![]() We all go through bouts of disinterest in sex, especially in monogamous relationships. The most important thing to remember here is that however you're feeling about sex is okay. With a bit of intentionality, you’ll be able to find a way to meet her desires while also respecting your temporary lack of desire.Ībout sildenafil Get started Don't Be Afraid to Look Inward The most beautiful thing about intimate sex with someone you care about is that it fills a lot of different roles in our lives. If she wants affection, cuddling may cut it. If she wants an orgasm, encourage her to play with herself while you do something else. If she’s seeking stress relief, watch a comedy show while you massage her shoulders. Second, figure out what her motivation for sex is. If you’re just too tired, stressed, full, whatever, let her know. You don’t need to give a reason beyond “I’m not feeling it” but elaborating can really help squash her fears. Make sure she knows it’s nothing to do with her or your relationship. But how you respond affects how she will interpret the situation (and, in turn, how she feels about it).įirst, reassure her about what’s really at play. You’re entitled to feel that and you shouldn’t push through it to please a partner. Sometimes though, you just won’t feel like being sexual at all. Making “No” Into a “No Big Deal” Situation If you're looking to try new things or discover new sides of yourself in (and maybe out of) the bedroom, might we suggest starting here. Or that dream you had where she did that thing? Guys, the point is, the possibilities are endless. But what about that one thing you saw on that one shady website? Or maybe use this as a time to try new things. See if there’s a sexual option that satisfies her and you. That way, she still gets the orgasm and connection to you she seeks without you doing anything you don’t want. How about kissing her while she touches herself. If you aren’t up for the aerobic workout of sex, how about lying on your sides and 69-ing? Maybe you don’t feel like being touched. That’s fine! There are so many other ways to be sexually intimate. Or maybe just a little more time of her playing with you to get you going. It could be time to disconnect from work stress or digest more after a meal. Maybe all you need it a little time, or *cough cough* a little help. It’s no different for men! But there’s a difference between “I’m not feeling it” and “I’m not feeling it at this moment”. We would never tell a woman she should suck it up and reluctantly have sex to please her partner. First, can you get to a point where you would want sex? Of course, you should never go through the motions of sex when you’re not feeling it. It takes a delicate approach to work through this scenario, but you can navigate it in a way that’s a win-win for you both.Ĭonsider two things before turning down sex. You may feel guilty about not wanting sex at that moment. ![]() You may feel anxious about the impact of saying no. She may worry that the situation is indicative of deeper issues in your relationship.Īt the same time, you may feel pressure to say yes. She could feel deeply rejected and wounded. She may misinterpret your temporary lack of desire as a lack of desire for her. The point is, as a result, the situation can stir up a number of negative emotions. What hormone causes female arousal? Two hormones, estrogen and progesterone, can have an impact on increasing a woman's sex drive, depending on their levels. There's a whole lot of chemistry involved with making our bodies tick, and sometimes, those hormones get mixed up or changed around. Since women are supposed to always be able to turn their men on, it can feel like an affront to her femininity.Īnd it's important to remember that just like you going through instances of low sex drive, a high libido in women is completely normal. Since men are supposed to always desire sex, it can feel like an affront to your masculinity. ![]() When the situation is reversed, it immediately feels “off.” A high libido in women is not the "conventional" norm, which can make both parties feel uncomfortably abnormal. It’s easy for men to shrug off her not being in the mood because they’re used to hearing “not right now.” Chalk it up to the extra testosterone flowing in you and try again later. Or, at the very least, that men typically have higher libidos. We’re taught that men always desire sex while women serve as sexual gatekeepers. This scenario flips our gender script on its head. This is complicated enough to navigate, but another layer is added when it’s the woman with higher desire. Either one partner doesn’t get what they want (having sex in that moment), or the other does something they don’t want (having sex without wanting it). ![]() When libidos don’t line up, it often feels like a scenario where someone inevitably loses.
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